Domestic Horror Stories #136 – A Project

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she said.

“That’s a big looking mess for nothing.”

“The internet said I could.  It said it would be easy.”

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Domestic Horror Stories #135 – What She Didn’t Know

“Lawn mowers come in boxes?” she asked.

“Yes,” he said.

“So you have to put it together?”

“Just the handles.”

“I just assumed they came assembled.  Like bikes.”

“Um, honey.  That’s not how it works.”

“What do you mean?”

“Bikes come in boxes too.  You either have to assemble them, or pay someone else to do it.”

“No way.”

“Uh, yeah.”‘

She shook her head.  “What rock have I been living under?”

“You’re going to go double check my facts now, aren’t you?”

“Totally.”

Domestic Horror Stories #132 – He Puts the Push in Push Mower

She was watching him from the corner of her eye as he labored past the kitchen windows.  He’d been out mowing the lawn for nearly thirty minutes.  He wasn’t yet halfway done.

This was the sort of situation where she wished there was someone for her to make a bet with.  A mostly grown child.  A sister living nearby.  A family bookie.  Someone.  She’d clean up.

As she finished her coffee he came in looking flushed and tired.

“Halfway done,” he said.

“How’d it go?”

“Good.  I’m going to have to work up to this.  I’ll finish the rest tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

“How are you doing?”

“Good.  Thinking about getting pregnant.”

He looked like he was about to swoon.  “Right now?”

“No.  But eventually.  I want to start my gambling empire sooner rather than later.”

If it hadn’t been so tired he would have asked.  Instead he settled for giving her a look he hoped said “You think you’re funny”.  Then he went to take a shower.

Domestic Horror Stories #131 – Lawn

“This is going to sound stupid.  But I need to buy a lawn mower,” he said.

“Why would that sound stupid?” she asked.

“I probably should have done that already.”

“Um.”

“You know we should get one of those push mowers without the engine.  They’re really green, and then no money for gas.  So a savings.”

“Like an antique roller mower.”

“Like that, but you know, new.”

“You want to do the whole lawn that way?”

“Sure why not.”

“I don’t think you’re going to like that,” she said.

“They’re great.  You’ll see.  It’ll be awesome.”

“Okay.”