Domestic Horror Stories #20 – A Bump in the Road

“Continue on for one point five miles,” crooned the GPS.

“Straight here?” he asked.

“Yes,” said the realtor.

Up over a small rise in the road the pavement ended.

“Oh no!” she said.

“Stop stop stop!” said the realtor.

He hit the brakes and went into a skid.  So he let up on the brakes and straightened their trajectory before starting to pump the breaks.  Gradually the car came to rest halfway down a hill.

“Oh my gosh.  Have you ever seen so much mud in your life?” she said.

“No.” he said as they gazed out the windshield at a half a mile of mud where the road should have been.

Domestic Horror Stories #19 – Casting a Wider Net

“What about a farm?” he asked.

“A farm, or land?” she asked.

“A farm.”

“So you want cows and pigs, and a barn?”

“Good point.  Maybe land with a barn on it, but no livestock.”

“You have something in mind?”

He handed her a listing.

“This house has like four garages.”

“Yes.”

“What do you suppose this huge black thing is in the middle of the living room?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s a fire place.”

“If you want to see it, fine.  But I don’t know.”

Domestic Horror Stories #18 – The Bottom

“So, an garage and a office and the top, and six bedrooms at the very bottom,” she said.

“And a built in storage area so that you can drive the lawnmower down to the lake,” he said.

“And the totally mirrored master bath,” she said.

“We could take most of the mirrors out,” he said.

“We’d have to.  I can’t take seeing my ass to infinity and beyond every morning.”

“But there’s been water in the basement.”

“Yeah, and you realize something that big and in our price range probably has a huge structural issue somewhere.”

“I know,” he said.  “It’s just so cool.  If we had a million billion dollars, this is the one I’d be holding out for.”

“Not me.  I’d never be able to sleep in it.”

“Why?”

“Three huge stories collapsing into my bedroom in the middle of the night.  No thank you.”

“That’s crazy.  You lived in that first floor apartment under five upper stories.”

“Yeah, I had myself convinced that the shock wave from the apartment collapsing would spit me out into the street.  But with a bedroom in a basement, there’s no place to get spit out too.”

“That’s wildly insane.”

“I know, and you’re married to it.  What’s that say about you?”

“I’m a man of adventure and mystery.”

Domestic Horror Stories #17 – Avalanche

“Is that a puddle at the bottom of those stairs?” she asked.

“Yes,” said the realtor.

“Well, it’s a house that’s obviously been closed up a while,” he said.

They headed down the stairs to the lowest level.  But she couldn’t hide it.  He’s seen the relief in her face.

Domestic Horror Stories #16 – Cavern

“It’s huge,” she said.

“It’s fantastic.  Think of the possibilities,” he said.

“It’s like a set from Our Man Flint,” she said.

“According to the listing there should be a dinning room on this level too,” said the realtor.

“Look at the fireplace.  Those are great fireplaces,” he said.

“It looks like an egg,” she said.

“But it’s so cool,” he said.

She looked up at the ceiling two floors above her.  Then out through the line of ten glass doors leading out on to the deck. “It’s a bit white, on white, on white,” she said.

“But with the period furniture, and …..”

“Period furniture?” she said.

Domestic Horror Stories #15 – Vintage

At the bottom of the stairs the realtor flipped on a light to reveal the kitchen.

“Wow,” he said.

“It’s like a time capsule. What do you think about 1975?” she said.

“Earlier,” he said.

“Country kitchen in yellow,” she said.

“We can paint. But not everywhere can we get the groovy triangular island,” he said.

“It’s workable.”

“But you’d want tile instead of carpet in here,” he said.

“Yes.”

He moved through an archway, and flipped on the next set of lights. “No way.”

Domestic Horror Stories #14 – Downward

“It doesn’t look like much of a house,” she said.

“Mostly garage,” he said.

“I haven’t seen this one yet, but the listing says its several thousand square feet,” said the realtor.

“That can’t be right. I mean look at it.”

The trio walked around the the two car garage, with what looked like a small office loft on top.

“Well, let’s have a look anyway,” said the realtor while opening the lock box.

The front door opened to reveal an entryway with a staircase going up to the loft office, and a staircase leading down.

“Weird,” she said.

“Cool,” he said.